The Cold L'Inverno (Winter)

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Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Romans 15:13

Outside the window where I sit right now the sky is dark and the trees are bare and swaying. I can feel a great amount of emptiness and I just want to dream. Not a dream that feels good for a moment but a dream that is real. I just wonder where I belong . . .

Recently I found myself between homes. I was yearning for a real home, feeling like one of the few dry crackled up leaves outside the window just blowing around and wondering where all my time and youth had gone.

What is “Home”?

When I think of home, I think of the place I lived and grew up as a child. I remember the big sky at night over the farmlands surrounding my house. The sounds of frogs. I remember horses and cattle every few miles, the ballgames and community gatherings. I remember the familiarity, but also I remember searching the cornfields and wondering what was beyond all that.

Now I find myself asking what is beyond this and why do I feel so displaced?

Many people did not have a comfortable place to call home as a child, and so I believe we all want to be fortunate enough to put roots down and have a new “home” as an adult.

Sometimes Wintertime Still Invades Our Home

I have many questions in my life right now. My mind is swirling and blowing like Vivaldi’s concerto: L’Inverno. L’Inverno means: “Winter” in Italian, and the music is meant to feel like the cold season of snow and wind.

In my life right now, I am finding that nothing is as I thought it would be, and I’m not who I thought I would be. I find that the person I wanted to be has changed many times and even after knowing God for many years, I am clueless. I want to find a place to call home, so to speak, a place where I can have peace of mind. Do you know that feeling?

This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this cold place of questions. I suppose it could be called striving. Constantly looking for the way out and thinking I need to figure it out by myself. . . . Would God guide me if I let go of the trying? Would He still be there if I left what I know?

I think of the place where I grew up. That place holds all my pain and all my joy like the palm of a hand cradling a seedling. This place will always be home. It is such a comforting place.

Being with God, I am “Home”

I realize that home can be a place with people you love but it is especially a place where God is. God may be the only one there when the moonlight spills into the window at midnight.

This is the cold winter . . . where nothing makes sense except that God is near in the silence and the bleakness. Embrace the cold and let God warm you!

Thanks for reading!